It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
