it was like eating out sand paper
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
