I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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