Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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