I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
