the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
