After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
