I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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