Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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