drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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