My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
