I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
