I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
