By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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