last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
