Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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