either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
