There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
