apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
