Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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