I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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