so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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