I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
