dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
