More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
