Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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