Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
