if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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