i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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