And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
