it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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