So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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