Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Someone shit on the floor
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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