in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
