the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You've changed since you got that strap on
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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