I think I just saw someone hide a body.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
