..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
