you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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