I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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