Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I pour the whiskey from now on
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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