I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
