"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
