I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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