my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
