dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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