Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
