the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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