I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
