At least make sure they are 18
Why
I wish I only lived at night.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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