Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
