I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
