I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
