She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
